Super Bowl? More like Super Bore far as I am concerned. But at least it is guaranteed to get me nodding off.

No, American football is not for me, although I accept millions across the pond go crazy for it, as do certain aficionados over here. It is an acquired taste; a bit like Jack Daniel's. Which, albeit in sufficient quantities, also sends me to sleep.

How many of us realised, I wonder, that on February 2 in Miami, the San Francisco 49ers will play the Kansas City Chiefs in Super Bowl LIV? It certainly seemed to pass without notice here in the public prints, which were far more concerned - understandably so - with Marcus Rashford's stress fracture and Liverpool's league invincibility.

The game they once called gridiron to me resembles rush-hour on the M25. Stop, start, stop, start - all the while wondering what the bloody hell is happening.

At least I will be in soporific slumber well before it is over as it seems to go on interminably. Yawn, yawn.

The 49ers apparently defeated the Green Bay Packers 37-20 to win the NFC Championship Game and will now play the Chiefs, who beat the Tennessee Titans 35-24 in the AFC equivalent, the latter securing a first Super Bowl appearance in 50 years.

This will be the 49ers’ first Super Bowl since the 2012 season. It is a game the 49ers have won five times, but their last success came 25 years ago when they beat the San Diego Chargers 49-26 in Super Bowl XXIX. Or so I am told.

As much as I am looking forward to what for me will be a welcome snoozefest, there is one thing bothering me. It is that the Americans persist with the idea that one day their version of football will conquer the world, together with any global aspirations Donald Trump may have in mind should he survive impeachment, which of course he will. That’s the way American politics works.

For some years now, a super-rich American magnate of the motor industry, Shahid Khan, like a certain visionary before him, has had a dream. His is that one day the Yankee version of football will be omnipotent from Brazil through to Bangladesh, Sydney to Shanghai. 

Fat chance, or as Muhammad Ali was was wont to say of such vain hopes; "Slim and none. And Slim just left town”.

American football is what it is, American. It will never catch on globally because the round ball game is, well, plain football. Not Asian football, African football or European football. Just football.

Khan, who owns the Jacksonville Jaguars in Florida, has wanted to buy Wembley to make it his European base for some time, but has always been knocked back, reluctantly some suggest by a Football Association (FA) as money-hungry as the British royals. He so far claims the deal he has offered is worth upwards of £1 billion ($1.3 billion/ €1.2 billion) and you can bet he won't stop there.

But even if the FA was eventually to sell the soul of England's game, then play home internationals around the country, hold the FA Cup in Cardiff once more and allow Wembley to become the province of men clad like robots, I can't see it working.

It is simply not our cup of tea. Indeed, if I were American, I'd be far more concerned about what they call soccer eventually becoming dominant over there. Years ago, the average American couldn't tell offside from their backside, but that's all changing now with real football - and rugby - being taken up more and more in US schools and colleges.

Any old gridiron may still be the craze in America, but it is entirely unfathomable to most outsiders. I rather like the comment of one of Britain's most acerbic TV personalities, Jeremy Clarkson, a man who pulls no punches - particularly if you happen to be a producer who upsets him.

He comments in The Sun: "On my regular trip to the States I'm often told that one day American football will squash proper football and become THE global sport. 

"They say that one day kids in Brazilian favelas and Russian steel towns will put away the round balls and put on the body armour before heading outside to paint their mates' faces. 

"They see a day when Old Trafford becomes home to the Manchester Gut Busters and the English Premier League becomes like a cheese-rolling event in the Cotswolds. A quiet reminder of gentler days."

American football is "rubbish" according to Clarkson. He adds: "Someone throws a ball. Everyone falls over, then there is a commercial break so we can learn more about toothpaste and diarrhoea solutions and how you can buy a Ford F-150 for $9.99 a month. 

"Then we come back and the whole team, dressed like they're about to be fired from a cannon, are huddled round the coach and you can't help thinking: 'It’s just rugby for cowards.'

"And then you think, why do they call it football when they don’t use their feet?"

That's a bit strong, even for the mighty-mouthed Clarkson.

However, there may be one thing that what we erroneously continue to call the English game can learn from its American counterpart. I confidently predict that by the end of this decade, footballers - like cricketers - will wear headguards. just as they do in the American game, with a grill protecting the eyes, forehead and temple, just in case a straying football inadvertently hits them on the head.

For no doubt by then, because of the truly disturbing mounting medical evidence about the causes of dementia, deliberately heading the ball will be officially a no-no and banned.

I for one will lose no sleep over that.